Inner Peace

So, after telling myself "enough is enough", I decided to write the dreaded "we can't be friends" email to my Confused Sheep friend. And I sent it! So now, I won't have to worry about being contacted, etc because it's over. Completely over. He even told me that he would give me space! Yay! No, I really am excited about it, guys. He's just not the type of person I need in my life right now, like the Bahai playas that Erin tells me about.

I did have a wonderful weekend, with a few mishaps, that I'm going to share at some point:)Friday was seriously one of my favorite happy hours of all!! I wish that I could stay in new york forever.

The realness

It's always good to have an honest, open post once in a while.

I'm afraid of being homeless and jobless in New Haven. My internship ends soon, and I don't have another one lined up. I don't have an apartment yet, and I pray that I'll have a definite by the end of the week.

I'm terrified of not fulfilling my potential and being unable to do whatever God wants me to do in this world/ life.

Right now, I'm afraid of my decisions negatively affecting my life and being forced to live with those decisions for awhile.

I'm afraid of my dreams and visions because I fear that they make me hope for more than what can be given.

I'm afraid of being alone, or afraid that I've let the love of my life slip through my fingers as a result of bad decisions on my part.

I'm afraid that I may be too old to learn or experience certain things.

I'm afraid that I'm too young to learn or experience certain things.

I'm Ready... Exposed

So I am ready to recap the events of the last week and a half or so. Get ready...

Two Saturdays ago, Raj, Kim and I witnessed the amazingness that is Webster Hall! All the rap, hop hop, reggaeton, reggae that you could possibly desire:) There was a date auction with a hilarious MC. We watched a little bit of that, and then we went to the dance floor. There's like four floors, and the one with a stage had, um, exotic dancers (including a man who could NOT dance) in g-strings.

After the g-string ladies and man, we went to the basement to experience the reggae floor!!! Oh, and we had already had two drinks each by then. I had an incredible hulk, goodness. But anyways, the reggae was hot, I dutty wined with a sexy Nigerian! He looked so gorgeous, and when I asked him where he waas from, he simply replied, "Africa." So it was an amazing night, we left at 4:00 AM! Kim and Raj thought that I was going back to BK in the cab, but little did they know....

On Sunday, I went to a gay bar with Patrick! Can we say free burgers and hot dogs!!! I told him about my little incident, and we laughed so hard.

Monday was a little bit awkward. That's ok, it happens. People get upset when they've been used. And it has to appear to the audience that they've been used too.

Ooh, and after work that day, Janell and I went to see Angie Stone and Anthony Hamilton!!! It was a really good concert. Angie, you are looking beautiful!

I took a sabbatical from my partying ways on Tuesday and Wednesday, only to resume it with Kim and lil Andrew on Thursday. Ladies get into webster hall for free on Thursday, so we had a dancing night again, yay!!!

Hmm, Friday was a very interesting night. Happy hour with my boss and May, the HR assistant, along with other coworkers. Can I just say that we were really tipsy, and making fun of Matt cuz we thought he would have a threesome,lol. We had so much fun!!

Saturday was my Jamie- love day:) Sigh, we pretended to be hobos in central park (good times), ate sushi near st. marks place (tasty), and saw the groomsmen and met ed burns (oww, oww!), went to a street fair, and went to the shake shack to try their famous burgers! We were soo everywhere, and it was absolutely fantastic:) We even told Ed that we were going to start school at NYU in the fall, and he was like, good luck at NYU, ladies. We took a pic with him too, it's our memento! Sigh, I love my Jamie so much:)

Sunday, I went back to New Haven. I woke up at 4 AM, but missed the first train and had to wait. Finally, I got there, and then I went to church. Imran and I spoke extensively. Whenever it ends, I always feel so empty. At least he's trying.

Then, I went over to Sabrina and Josh's gorgeous house, and there was a cookout with Zack, Agnes, and Erin. New Haven crew! It was so good to see them:)

I had a vision that I'm really embarrassed about. But really confused about. So I don't know.

I love NYC!

Brand New Day

I'm spinning on the earth under your control
I was broken but now I'm whole
Everything is changing...

I don't know, there's something in th air, something about today. I think that it's going to be exciting.

I took a break from my wild partying on Tueday night and last night. Had wonderfully tasty meals like duck confit salad. Learned about white alligators. Leanred about American men being studs in foreign countries. Etc, etc. It all was to definitely counterbalance the wild and craziness of the weekend.

As for the white gators, to keep your alligator in check, you have to say "ho,
shut yo mouth before I make a new pair of shoes out of you". LOL. See, pimpin IS easy, AND ladies is pimps too!

Eek, time to finish my projects...

Hello New York!!

Well, this is going to be my first in depth post in NYC. I'm like, feeling a bit lethargic cuz I didn't go to bed til the crack o dawn, so I'm still in the jammies and just procrastinating putting clothes on.

I'm so on a plateau in so many areas of my life right now. I feel like I'm having a spiritual and emotional nirvana, etc, and I'm growing every single day. I don't have time to play games and hang out with people that aren't on my level, or just carry a sense of negativity and complaining that makes me wonder why the hell they're even living. As a living, breathing human, at least be thankful for what you have.

Wednesday, I moved in to the BK apartment, as I wrote earlier. I have 2 very sweet roommates. We all come and go at different hours, so we don't see each other much. But I think that's the perfect situation. Wednesday when I got here, considering I have no TV, etc, In had a bout of loneliness and called/ talked to a bunch of friends. But that's what you should do when you feel that way, and it's perfectly normal. I felt better the next day though!

Thursday, I had work, and it was REALLY interesting. Had some intriguing email banter, hahaha. After work, I was all set to meet Kim at kush the hookah lounge. I had been waiting to hail a cab from union square. Found one. But all of a sudden, some drunken ho starts walking over to MY cab. So I ran over there, got in, told the guy where I was going. But then, her and her friend smushed me in the middle of the cab, and said they were riding with me. I was pissed. They kept saying "you fucked quentin", and were just so crazy. I was glad to get my ass out, and I met Kim and Raj. We smoked hookah for a couple of hours, apricot and mint. The DJ was pretty damn hot and also was playing good songs.

Friday was company picnic day. All the interns met up with one another, then we took the train to a park an hour away from the city. Had tasty burgers, cookies, coronas. The exciting thing was that the Mr. Softee truck was there!!! Just for us! I played a little frisbee. I convinced my boss to come, albeit late. But she was there. OMG, again, we are so freaking a like, it's soooooo crazy. I've seriouisly never met someone so much like me. It's like comforting, yet overwhelming. I can't explain it. But it amazes me how much of a bond I feel we have after only knowing each other for suhc a short period of time.

So, after the picnic, some of us went out to happy hour. That was an experience in and of itself. Matt told me that wise and deeply profound piece of advice, and I was thinking to myself, omg, Matt must think that he's the wise old man, and I'm the grasshopper! But he has no idea, lol. I know, I'm 22, an age full of self discovery and introspection. You learn more about yourself than what you've ever learned before. There's an air of uncertainty, but an understanding that these experiences will shape the rest of your life and persona. There's an urgency, as though there will never be another time for these experiences, so you need to have as many as possible and as quickly as possible. There's a tendency to be overly dramatic, feeling that a situation can make or break you. But it is the knowledge that you know what's best for yourself, and you refuse to let anyone else tell you what to do. You may ask what to do, but you end up being your stubborn self and learning from your mistakes, growing from your victories.

I'm still a bit thrown off guard by yesterday. I went out with Patrick, we had a good heart to heart at a gorgeous bar. I got to see his cute place. I'm so happy that he's happy. I'm glad that things are coming together for everyone.

Love it, love it, LOVE IT!!!!

Before I go to bed, I just want to say that I LOVE this place. And give ya'll some fave quotes of the week (in no particular order):

1. A: So does he look better than me??
Me: Oh no, A, you're SO much hotter.

2. M: Who IS this porn star (on the pop singer Natasha Bedingfield)

3. Me: I LOVE the hotties! (she gushes)
Matt: But sometimes the hotties aren't what's best for you.

4. Drunken Cab Bitch (to me): You fucked Quentin!!!!

5. Kim: Damn Alisha! (in response to seeing my huge puff on the hookah)

6. L: am I really a sex god?

Going to bed after a fun day/night with the coworkers and Patrick!

It's Brooklyn in the House!

Wow, so much to write!

So md/dc was so much fun!! I went home, went Nordstrom Rack crazy, saw family, saw dear old grandma, ate so much (even fast food!), spent time with the kiddies. It was a relatively short vacation, especially cuz I had dr appointments and stuff. But it was really good, and I think that a lot of amazing things resulted from it.

On Wednesday, I moved to Cobble Hill in Brooklyn! I'm so happy here. The apartment is in the perfect location, with cute cafes, a grocery store, and various restaurants and shops close by. 15 minutes on the train to my workplace. I look at it all, and see that it's worth it.

Today is the only day that I had to work this week. I had lots of stuff to do.But also, I feel like I learned some new things today too. I think that my eyes were opened. I mean, I hope so.

Tonight was pretty cool/crazy. I met Kim and Raj, and we went to a Hookah bar called Kush. Had a crazy cab ride with two drunken white duke girls. One with enormous...hands. They just were disgustingly trashed. At Kush, we smoked apricot shisha and were surprisingly sophisticated. The place was so gorgeous, like a middle eastern labyrinth.

I'm pretty tired now, so I'll go to bed!