An Update

This week was so much fun!

My isolation didn't last for very long. I was disappointed, I couldn't last for 24 hours. Oh well.

Renee left this week, which was very sad. I'm going to miss her.

Wednesday was fun! Well, actually, it was absolutely amazing. After work, I went to see the CenterPointe, the apartment of my dreams. Let me take you into the world that I'll hopefully have in September: SO I walked into the building, management is downstairs in the basement. The basement has a room with a pool table, huge flat screen TV and couches. Like the place where you can entertain friends. There's also a HUGE gym with a yoga room. So then the manager and I went up to see an apartment.
First, there's the kitchen with the gorgeous stone tiles. Ice maker in the fridge. Closet that has the stackabale washer and dryer. The living area has cherry wood floors. Bathroom has a gorgeous medicine cabinet. I'm in love. Cross your fingers for me.

Then, I went to the best Japanese restaurant. There's a Japanese server there, and the ppl there love me! We end up having these long convos in Japanese, and it's so cute. I love it!

I'm trying out happy hour tonight, hopefully it will be fun, since it's lenny's birthday and all.

Also, it's going to be SO much fun at home! I can't wait!!!!

Long Post

When the boss is away, the intern will play!!!

Well, not exactly. This is a really thought provoking post, and I want everyone to think about it, understand it to the fullest extent.

I've delved into white privilege and the effects of racism still being prevalent in this land of the free that we call America. But today I'm going to talk about a new kind of racism, the kind that white people do without thinking, but still qualifies them to be racist as hell: identifying minorities, whether they be black, asian, hispanic, etc as "acting white" if they actually have their shit together.

Acting white: when a minority, particularly African American, is seen as possessing personality characteristics and mannerisms that Caucasians happen to possess.

Some characteristics that people (black and white) think of as "acting white" happen to be: speaking properly all of the time, living in a white washed neighborhood, disassociating yourself from black ppl.

Some characteristics that white people should NOT be thinking, but do:
1. You're acting white if you have your shit together, and don't live in the projects.
2. You're acting white if you don't go and hang out with the "real black ppl" that are living in the projects.
3. You're acting white if you surround yourself by white people (of course they don't know if this is intentional or unintentional)
4. You're acting white if you're doing well in school and went to a good school

So basically, the white people are saying that "real black people" don't have their act together, and that we really aren't on the same level as them. That the people that are doing well are just the exception to the rule, you know?

And no I'm not saying that everyone is like this.

I've had speakers that when they're talking GESTURE to me when they say something about business that has to do with a black women. I can't even begin to explain how appalled I was. It may sound little, but it's not. I don't see them gesturing to people when they talk about a white male or woman.

But I think that the major thing that angers me is that people try to act as if there is no such thing as white privilege. People, you're seriously living in the dark, and you're completely dense if you think that. When I walk down the street, people see a *black* woman. When a white woman walks down the street, they see a woman. That's it.

So how does America attempt to alleviate this problem, this blatant privilege that each Caucasian has? With affirmative action. And then, we're *still* seen as less, just because we're starting to be wanted. Don't you understand that around 300 years of slavery has caused us to live very different lives than you? We're just *starting* to advance from the repercussions of this inhumane custom, and when America finally decides to help us, people think that we're not good enough because of it. Why? America OWES us. You will not believe. I don't care if I never lived in poverty. My ancestors freaking lived in poverty and paid their dues. And they're living vicariously through ME. Hell, if I had it my way, America would be fucking giving us $500,000- $1 million each, along with affirmative action (even though you can't put a price on how much our families suffered).

And it's not like we don't work hard. Seriously, our parents told us that we need to be better than our white counterparts to survive in this country, or we'll always be seen as "second rate citizens". But seeing as people think that having your shit together means you're "acting white", it seems like we're always going to be second rate in their minds. Oh well, the world doesn't revolve around you.

50 years from now, America is going to be nothing but a rainbow of diverse peoples. So get used to it.AND, affirmative action is going to STILL be prevalent. Let's thank our lucky stars.

Another Quickie

1.I suddenly have the urge to watch Funny Face:)

2. I urge you all to wear lipbalm with sunblock. Apparently, my lips were sunburned in Boston, and they hurt like whoa.

3. Dominican men are sexy too.

4. Red Bull and Henessey is the perfect drink for getting tipsy in the daytime, and at night!

5. My sublet search is over! I found a place in Cobble Hill, ie, the sophisticated part of BK! A nice respite from boring CT.

6. I'm also tired of explaining to people the difference between the National Pan-Hellenic Council and the National Panhellenic Council.

7. Black sorority does not equal drinking and frat parties, darn it. We are NOT like our National Panhellenic Council counterparts. Get it straight.

Quickie

I just wanted to give a quick update during my lunchbreak, LOL. Will give a more indepth one later.

- I had a crazy ass dream. I was walking on the street corner, and some grotesque person told me "I'd pay $75 for you". Dang, now I'm having prostitute dreams, not even classy call girl dreams.

- I went to a place to have a 10 minute massage on my lunch break. It was like rough sex.

-It was windy this morning, and I exposed my undies to everyone on 23rd and 6th. Hope you all liked it!

Back to work:)

Let's Talk About...

LOL, I should be studying for the awful Wednesday exam, but whatever.

So what do I talk about best? Sex, of course! Haha, on the bus home from Boston, Erin, Zack and I were talking about our various sex stories and mishaps. We all seem to have these quite interesting sex discussions. Like, I asked Zack is the era of the virgin is over, and he told me "i don't think that it ever existed". How cruel! I believe that we were definitely the shit, but now all guys think about is getting some.

Like, I was reading some stuff, and I thought that it was really very juvenile how this guy was writing about how hot he thought this girl was when she had a picture of herself up in a bikini. I'm sooo past that shit. I really don't need for a guy to look at my pic or look at me and tell me that I'm hot.And I don't want to be "hot". Yeah, we joke about it, all of my friends and I calling each other hot. But I mean, I don't want to look hot, because it just sounds so slutty. I want to look gorgeous or cute or beautiful or sexy (ok, maybe not sexy). I think that I'm starting to show my age, LOL.

I feel like "hotness" gives off the impression that the physical attractiveness is going to fade away. That you're just a transient individual in the other person's life. Beautiful girls have more staying power.

I think that personality and attraction wise, people should just aim high. I wouldn't want a jerk that going to expect me to pay for every meal and sit there like a good little house wife while he sleeps with other women. So why not have those same high standards for physical attractiveness? It's not being superficial, it's being realistic. Am I really going to be able to go through our first 15 years together (before he starts going gray, balding, developing liver spots, etc) with an unattractive man? The thought of it just makes me ill. People shouldn't do it, not even for sugar daddies (ha ha). I just can't spend my life with a paper bag boy or a troll. See, it's good to be honest!

My boss and I were talking about relationships last week, and I was telling her about how men perceive me as a very high maintenance woman, but that in all actuality, I'm not difficult to please. LOL, and she was like, yeah, you can tell that I'm a girl that likes nice things.

So I've become really obsessed these days about being professional, conservative, and sophisticated, but also pushing the limits of style at the workplace. Hell, style in general. There are certain items that I NEVER wear, simply because I really feel like a slut or ho when I wear them. And I think that I overexaggerate the way I look in them, it probably doesn't look that bad, but it still freaks me out. Here is the list:

1. Leggings, cuz my thighs are too big. It would be a crime to put ppl through that.
2. Jeans without back pockets. Ya'll KNOW that my booty is too big for that. It automatically looks ho-ish.
3. Chunky heels.


So this post was sorta random, but it was a good way to procrastinate. Off to study:(

sniffles

I had originally written a red bull and vodka influenced post for this weekend on the the train back to New Haven on Friday. However, I've opted not to post it. I *think* that I reached a new spiritual and emotional level, and I'm going to be OK guys, I seriously promise you.

Yes, this week was one of the worst weeks in the history of my short life. Yes I made a ton of mistakes. But I realize that my problems are really not all that bad, and that there is worst going on in this world. I feel like I'm waking up from the deep sleep of this week of despair. Thank you Lil E for convincing me to not stay home today and indulge my pensive and reflective mood. Thanks for dragging my ass on the bus.

A series of events occurred this week that broke my spirit and left me feeling like a shell of myself. I hit rock bottom on Tuesday. I was a wreck. I just wanted to feel as numb as possible and just not be able to *think* about what was going on. I had my first heartbreak of the week(sublet woes), and I was so devastated. I just wanted it so badly, and it seemed as though it were tangible, and it just slipped through my fingers.

Thursday was better, and I thought that the week would get progressively better, especially since Friday was such a big day. I saw beautiful Jamie on Friday, and it was as if she never left the US. It was a just another one of our adventures, except in NYC. We had thai food, played celebrity games, and reminisced about our WM days. I was so excited about meeting her and Patrick for hh. Then, it's like, you see your whole life crashing before your eyes. The encounter on the street was the most awkward in the world.

At hh, I tried so very hard to be good, and be nice, but just keep my distance. Things are supposed to still be the same, riiiight. Then, there were no titles. That really pissed me off. I really hate lying by omission, it's still a lie, it's still an untrustworthy act that seriously makes me unreceptive.

Anyways, the night was fun, yet a bit altered. I'm so glad that I had a chance to see Patrick and Jamie! I know we're always going to be there for each other, which is quite comforting!

I've realized that I've come to find true friends in New Haven also. It's difficult imagining New Haven life without the girls. Even though I was so not in the mood to go, the Boston trip was actually a mood alterer. Yes, Boston is kinda boring, but still nice to go. It's like the place that you move to when you don't want to be in the suburbs, yet don't love the hustle and bustle of city life. Which is great if you like that, but that's not me. I'm a city girl, and I want to be where the fun is. I don't want to miss out.

Airing Out Dirty Laundry

Guys, it HAD to come to this:

Anonymous NY Reader writes: god forbid you live in an apartment without a w/d - the travesty of it all. How would your frail body ever take *walking* to the laundromat. I think you should tell your family (the ones you mentioned about being wise and strong) and especially your grandparents how hard it is to find an apartment you like with all the amenities - I'm sure it will greatly increase their respect of you.


And I Responded With:Ummm, I happen to work and earn my own money, so why can't I live the life of luxury? Do YOU work 55 hour weeks? HELL no, you spend your free time reading other people's blogs and making asinine comments on their message boards. I recommend that you get a job and move out of your momma's basement. Biatch.

Gotta love it.

Thoughts

So I've been having like, crazy thoughts all week, as usual.

1. I don't understand why it's so freaking difficult to find a sublet in NYC. Hey anonymous NY reader, let me know if you know anyone subletting a place at a reasonable price for the month of July in NYC. I might even consider BK. LOL, k it's not that bad. I have gotten responses to my boring emails that describe myself and why I want to live in the city for that month.

2. I'm wondering to myself, hey, if I'm working all June, at home for July 4th, and then in NYC, and then back home for August, how the HECK am I going to find an apt in New Haven by August 15th? Um, I don't know. Maybe hire a personal assistant? Not really. I actually thought for a moment today that I could live without a w/d in my apt. I think it was a thought in the right direction. Go me! P in P!


3. So I just had an idea for an article or something. I want to write an article on "the biblical translators that lied and died". Like, the people that misinterpretated the Bible, and were punished mercilessly.

4. Yesterday, in my lazy state of not wanting to go out, not wanting to socialize and hang out, I listened to and watched Baby Cham's "Ghetto Story" multiple times. I'm like obsessed, but I don't want to be. Like, I love the infectious riddim. HOWEVER, I don't like the fact that the riddim goes with these thought provoking lyrics. Some people like that, but I feel as though I shouldn't be all excited about listening to the song when it's talking about Jamaica's poverty, etc.

5. I am very disappointed in Sean Paul. He obviously succumbed to his manager and record label and made the radio version of "Give It Up to Me" something that you would listen to on a kiddie playground. Hello, this song is *supposed* to be the ultimate sex song. Hell, I'd have sex to the album version of the song. Seriously, it's like ooozing with sex, and I feel that it is a travesty that he has created the tamer version.

Time to do hw.

What A Week

So um, this was an interesting week. I began my first week of working full time at NRDC on Monday. It was seriously so crazy and bittersweet. So I'm going to give the run through by day.

Monday
Woke up at 4:45 and took the early train to get there by 8. Definitely started a trend. I had a crapload of work to do, but I decided to go to the Theory sample sale. I waited in line for like 30 minutes, to finally go into the warehouse like room and see people picking and pushing for Theory items. There was like nothing in the 0 and 2 section, which made me cry. I so wanted pants, cuz their pants are soo nice. So I picked up a skirt, sexy spaghetti strap top, charcoal gauchos, rich brown jacket, and a gorg skirt. Got back to the office and did some work before going to class. In class, I found out that my new score on the MBTI is INFJ. Weird cuz I'm usually ISFJ. Oh well. Went to bed at 12:30.

Tuesday
Woke up at 5 and left late, so I had to haul to the train station. But then I was told that the trains were running late, so all was well. Got in at 8, did some work. But I knew it would be interrupted because of the brown bag lunch. Brown bag lunch was interesting, learned about environmental justice. Stayed at work til 6, and actually ventured out to BK to see the Debbie Fisher jewelry store. Unfortunately the store moved. But at least I learned that BK is not a scary place! FYI, wore dangerously lowcut top with new skirt. Definitely challenging workplace dresscode for certain reasons, just like I always do.

Wednesday
The NRDC board directors were in the office. I dressed up nice, with stockings, thinking that Robert Redford or Leo DiCaprio would grace us with their presence. I was disappointed. Oh well, had lunch with HR, it was so much fun. We have to be the coolest department, and I love them so! Proceeded to work more and then went to class, bored outta my mind. Did get to watch the Hills on MTV!


Thursday
The luncheon with the board. It wasn't as indimidating as what people said it would be. I sat with other interns, ate to my hearts content.
After work, I ventured to the Botkier purse sale. Now this was an experience all on its own. I took the train to canal street, which is like the worst of NYC. It just disgusts me. But I ended up finding the place. There were 2 other ladies in the elevator to the 5th floor with me. When the elevator opened, we rushed out, to get to the room where the purses were at. We got there, and surveyed the small room. Women were milling around. There were lots of the ugly purses left, and I didn't want an ugly purse. But after a 15 minutes, a sales guy came in with *different* purses on his arm. I rushed and took 2 of them. They were huge, but I was like, umm, I dont want those other women to have them. Cuz they were crazy. And when you pick up a new purse, the women would watch you like vultures, waiting for you to put them down. Then, the motherload came. The guy came in with like 10 purses. 3 of the coveted Bianca satchels, which a blond, brunette, and old lady snatched up. Bitches. Then, this teenager had 2 purses, but put one down, which I snatched up. It was mine! An Almond Holster, regularly $600, for $50!!!!!!!!! Some women were like, oh that bag is ugly, but I knew it was cuz they wanted it. One woman begged me to give it to her, and put on a pouty face, and I was like, um no. Purchased my bag, took the train back to Milford, got some BB, and watched TV all night.

Friday
TGIF. I had been getting to work all week at 8:00 AM.I had so much work to do today. Deadlines, etc. I was entertained for awhile in the morning, which was nice. I went to Botkier sale, and procured a pink Bianca satchel. Finished a lot of work to get lots more projects. Sounds good.
K, so I had been thinking about hh all week. I kept fantasizing that it was going to be something reallly bad, like I was going to end up waking up the next morning and looking under the sheets only to realize that I had nothing on, etc. You know, like inventing all these ideas of things that would happen because I have a lack of self control when I'm around ahem, ahem.
But no guys, it was pretty tame. I mean, I liked it a lot. I wanted to stay for a really long time, but I wanted to go to the BBQ at Erin's too. I was genuinely excited to be out of the work setting though. And the things that were said, the contact that occurred, still burn deeply in my memory. It was 10 times worse than the elevator rides. I forgot to even write about that stuff. When I'm in the elevator, it's soo difficult, because I keep imagining what I want to do. Thank goodness there's cameras in there, cuz that's the only freaking thing that's stopping me. Oh yeah, and proper protocol. But it was way more intense than that.

I'm stuck at the library today. Afterwards I'm going to get my hair done (once a week now ya'll, I can afford it!), and go to JCrew to return stuff that doesn't fit. Grocery store and other errands.

I Shouldn't Have Left You Without a Dope Beat to Step to

Well well well. It's been a very long time since I've updated. So much has occurred that I could possibly write a book (just kidding!). I think that I'm going to start with this week and then just take you back in time.

So I went home for Memorial Day Weekend!! Ooh the excitement:) Dad was like, "Oh Alisha, I really don't think that you're a Chinatown or Greyhound bus kinda girl. You should just take the train". And I told him that I wanted to try something new, have an adventure! Plus, the bus was leaving from Port Authority, and I would get to Silver Spring in 4 hours, 20 minutes. And it was cheap. But that didn't really matter anyways, cuz my Dad purchased the ticket. So that Friday (last week, to be exact), I woke up early, packed my lone backpack (ooh, I rolled my clothes, had tons of space!), and went outside to wait for the cab to take me to Union Station in New Haven. I wait 10 minutes, it's 6:05 AM. "Hmm, the cab should've been here by 6:00", I thought. So I called the cab company, and there's a voice message that says that they're either unable to take the call or sleeping. I was indignant. How could they be sleeping when I REALLY needed to get to the station to get myself to work on time??? So I called again, they pick up. I'm like, umm, where's the cab? They're like, oh you wanted a cab at 6? And I'm like, yeah I made a reservation yesterday. So they told me that the cab driver would be at my place soon. He didn't get there til 6:30. I was peeved. He asked me how I was doing, and I told him well, I'm going to be late to work now. So he drove me to the station. Then, he has the audacity to tell me that the fare is $12.50. I gave him $7.00 and told him "next time, be more punctual".

So the day continued. My friend Shannon (she's an intern at NRDC too)and I were just bouncing off the walls because we were leaving work at 1:00! Half day, whooo hooo!!! So we left at 1, and we were like, ooh, let's walk to get sushi. So we walked around NYC, got ginger cookies and banana bread to snack on. Then we ate at the cutest Japanese restaurant, and had everything, including green tea ice cream! So I go to pay for our meal, and I can't find my debit card. Apparently, it's gone (I think I left it in the ATM the night before). I calmly called my Dad and asked him to call Wachovia to cancel the card. And all was well. (But I still did a mini hyperventillation.)

After the nice meal and good times, I took the 6 to grand central and hauled it to Port Authority. Port Authority is like one of the most confusing places in the entire universe. And I'm usually good with train stations, etc etc. But Port Authority was just too much for me. Initially, I thought that the greyhound ticket station was closed, and I was freakiing out. But I asked one of the vendors where the ticket station was, and he directed me downstairs. So I waited in line for like half an hour. The employees were overworked and rude. When I got my ticket, I ran downstairs to my bus terminal, only to be stopped and asked a question by a hispanic woman (aww, it's cute that she thought i could speak spanish). But when I got to the terminal, the line was soo long. And the employees were herding us into different directions like livestock. And an interesting note is that the ppl boarding the buses were mostly black and latino.

So I finally got on the bus. The lady next to me was so ticked off, because they put her on the bus to Silver Spring instead of DC, and she was going to miss her function for the night. I felt for her. But anyways, I got back home by 9:00, had tasty sushi at the new Japanese restaurant in Gaithersburg (sushi twice in one day!).

My Saturday at home consisted of me purchasing $1260 worth of clothing at Nordstrom Rack, and getting my comp fixed at the Apple store. I had to delete Limewire :( Then, Mom, Dad, and I went to a cookout at my Uncle Randolph's house. I found out so much information from my Aunt Joan. Like, I had no idea that she was in an abusive marriage. She's like the strongest woman I know. I suppose that you have to go through those tumultuous situations to be that strong. But people kept telling her that she shouldn't get divorced. That makes me soo upset. No, I don't condone divorce. But I'm surely not going to judge you if you leave someone because they are physically or emotionally abusing you. And that's where I think that a lot of Christians have their downfall. God doesn't want people to be abused. Even if you might have made a mistake in marrying someone, God gives you a chance to fix those mistakes.

Then, I found out that my Grandma only completed the 6th grade. I mean, she was a farmer's daughter, and back in those days, black children only were believed to only need rudimentary education. Yet, I feel that my Grandma is the wisest woman I know. She has done so much with so little resources, and I definitely stand in awe of her.

So Sunday after church, we had a cookout/ get together at my house for my Mom's side of the family. That was fun. Oh, and FYI, my cousin's baby's father has gotten really fat. (I can't stand him).

Monday was my day to go back to icky CT. Well, I was supposed to take the 12:30 bus from Silver Spring to NYC, but they overbooked the bus by 40 ppl. I had to wait for the 3:30 bus. Soo ticked. Then, the 3:30 bus broke down on Georgia Ave. But then the bus driver said that the bus was miraculously fixed, and he agressively drove us to NYC. I didn't get back to my apartment til 11:00 PM. And then I had to go to work in the morning.

Hmm, Here are some entertaining quiotes from the past few weeks:

1. "I'll take ur virginity" - a friend after I asked him if the reign of the virgin is over. You know, guys have tried to sleep with me, but no has EVER propositioned in me in that way before. Then he proceeded to say "take your time, think about it. I'll think about it too, see where it takes us". LOL.

2. "I willing to try anything once"- me
"I'm willing to try it multiple times!"- E- gotta love her:)

3. "Don't play with my... globe"- me when Matt was playing with my globe shaped stress ball at work.

And there are some amazing things that I'm looking forward to:

*First off, my very own apartment! My lease ends on August 15th, and I can't wait til it happens. My dream apartment is this really amazing place in Downtown New Haven (near Yale!), with granite countertops in the kitchen, W/D in the apt (despite being a 1 bedroom), a doorman, fitness room, on site dry cleaning, and stainless steel kitchen appliances. The epitome of city sophistication:)

*I might be staying at NRDC til the end of July. We'll see. If so, I'm going to be unveiling a huuuge decision for that month.

*The fact that I only have 2 more trimesters of school, and then it's over!!!



Oh, and here's my little section on why you should NOT take a full pill of Vicodin before you go to bed:

The night that I took an entire Vicodin pill before I went to bed was a weird as hell one. So, I dreamed that God instructed me to build the Sistene Chapel. I mean, He was standing next to me, telling me what to do next. I had my little tools, and He's be like, do this, use this, etc. Oh, and He had already instructed me in building another building, so he told me to move on to the Sistene Chapel. So that was crazy.


Well, that's all for now.