It Will Rain

I have a lot on my mind which will hopefully be released in this posting.

I'll admit, my blog is supposed to be fun and games most of the time, and my posts are usually lighthearted sentences full of laughter. Not tonight. (well, at least the paragraphs following the next).

I had this hilarious convo with Zach on my redbull and vodka night, lol. It was so funny, cuz I was saying something about how I've only had one amazing, fireworks kiss in my 22 years. And he was like, well if the guys thought they were getting ass afterwards, then maybe the kisses would be hotter. It was really funny. I'll keep that in mind, lol.

I left work early and drove to Woodbury Commons last week. It made me so happy to just do something spontaneous and drive for awhile on my own, to another state. It definitely shows that I still have that spark...

I cried so much at church today. It used to be that I would get dizzy and hot when the holy spirit came upon me. But all that's changed. It's so different now. It's like, when I feel the holy spirit, and I get in His presence, it's just so much, so overwhelming. It's like it's so overwhelming, I can't take all of the love, and I start crying. During Pastor Brian's sermon, the tears will threaten to spill, but then I'll be like, no don't do it, there's all these people around you. But by the end, it's like He's wearing on my heart, and I finally just stop fighting it and I let His love envelope me. I was prayed upon today too, and Pastor Brian asked God to bless me.

Anyways, I've been going through a "valley" as Pastor Brian preached about today. I can't stress how difficult these past few weeks have been for me. And it's not about school being stressful or anything. It just hasn't been the best time for me.

When I get in these moods, it makes me re-evaluate my life. And I know some of the reasons why I'm in such a bad mood right now. I just need to learn how to shrug the negative people off and just do my thing. I hate it when people feel they have a right to doubt why you're doing something, and I think that it occurs because they're insecure about their own situation.

Anyways, onto the re-evaluating my life. I was upset, thinking that I had made the wrong choice. But I'm here for a reason, one of which is blatantly revealed to me daily. I'm trying to get used to it all. It is so hard just being known as Alisha the I/O psychologist. I mean, that's just one freakin facet of me. What about the Alisha that wants to be a world class photographer? Or the Alisha that dreams of dancing in an Egyptian club? The Alisha who wants to be supreme in service to all mankind and do EVERY single sorority activity? But most of all, the Alisha that wants to learn 5000 kanji and read classic novels in Japanese? Where have they all gone? Are they all sitting here rotting while this I/O shell of an Alisha does what she has to do so she can get out there and wear cute business suits everyday? And if I'm feeling this way now, am I ever going to ADORE what I'm doing? No, the truth is that I really truly do love the fact that I'm going to be making a difference for the minorities in the workplace. That makes me elated, knowing that I'm going to push for affirmative action in the workplace, and that I am going to be successful in this field. But I want to do it all, I can't just abandon all of my dreams to follow one. Sigh, I could always make a plan. Focus on mergers in Japan and the Middle East. Practice the Japanese on business trips, and extend the trips to the middle east so I can dance, lol. And make a black and white photo montage in the process.

And I think that with all of my activities, I would like to squash those stereotypes that can only be fostered through ignorance. For example, the belly dancer must be a whore because she's attempting to entice/ seduce a man. Have I EVER attempted to seduce anyone through belly dancing? (Ya'll know I have other ways, lol, joking!). Or that the virgin has to be boring. Let me tell you, that is such bs. Cuz I know lots that are actually more interesting and have more lively imaginations than the non V's. I mean, I'm not going to sit and do nothing, because I would die of unhappiness if I was like that. Probably the biggest stereotype that needs to be squashed is that the single girl is unhappily single. That is not the case. Not every single girl is sad and pining for a boyfriend, any boyfriend. Those single girls settle, and I think that's sad. I mean, I have morals and I have standards (like hotties, lol). And yes, I do have a longstanding crush on Zeus, but that's about it. It's still fun playing the field, and I'm still amazed at the things I did senior year.

Urgh, I wonder if this is all making sense. I'm just tired of the people that tick me off. But I've also had a rough few weeks, and I feel like I've been on an emotional rollercoaster.

I think that people are tested to become more self aware. Like, God humbles me not to be mean, but because I need to be humbled. I can't skate through life with the belief that everything's perfect and I get everything that I want. God has blessed me so much, has saved me from the suffering that I know a lot of other people have undergone. And I'm really thankful for that. But a person can't move to higher elevations in their Christianity if life is always picture perfect. If persistence always pays off. If motivation always pays off. Jesus always said that it's extremely hard for a rich man to go to heaven. But do we really stop to think why it is? Because the rich man has never had it rough. Like, disadvantaged people always have strong faith, because the only person that they can count on in their lives is God. So this rough patch, this "valley" is only going to make me stronger in the long run.

oh goodness

Hi everyone. So I haven't posted in awhile. Well, I am posting now, so be elated, hehe. If I am coherent in the morn, I might take this ish down, cuz it's probably gonna be sooo weird. But let's be truthful: I had 3 freakin RED BULL AND VODKA drinks 2night, and I feel that it is necessary to post after such a feat.

K, let's talk about today and tonight. Today, nessie ness and I took ourselves to ye old Yale to go and study. Yippie. We went to Bulldog Burritos, had some mex food, and i was quite content. We then proceeded to go to Yale bookstore to study. But unfortunately there were some icky imbeciles that were saying quite obscene things that detered us from the studying. Oh well. We went to Urban Outfitters, the mecca of downtown New Haven, and bought some $10 gauchos. And they fit, and I look HOT in them. Woo hoo.Ooh, and I so worked out this morning. I belly danced, willy bounced, and did tons of sit ups. I am going to be svelte for the summer!

K, so on to tonight. It was supposed to be innocent sushi and stuff at Neat. Gaird, Zach, Derek and me. Oh no. Not so innocent. Debaucherous. Went to Neat. Saw there were $4 Red Bull and Vodka. Drank 2. Currently screwed. Let's tell ya'll HOW screwed: came home SINGING "someone's watching over me" by hilary duff in the freakin elevator. Also went to Playwright and chilled with lauren, joe, sarah, brad, daniela, etc. fun stuff. had another red bull and vodka. and i feel GOOD.

There was convo about being prude or whore. I prefer to be prude with a mission. Prude with that streak in me, hehe. The majority of the night consisted of talks about smoking hookah, MJ, etc. I was so loopy, telling ppl about the infamous 40s and the infamous "sleepover". Sigh, but I can't tell it the way you do, Jamie. You will have to tell the world about it all, cuz I was too crazy and scatterbrained to do so tonight.

Did you know that God gave the Israelites manna AND quails? I didn't realize the quails part til today, when I got a word. Cuz of it, I've been craving a quail all day. I want one so bad. Where do I gotta go in New Haven to get a freakin quail to eat? I will eat it all, on my own, with some coconut juice.

Does anyone want to go to the Yale farm with me in the spring? I'm a pretty girl that does not mind getting dirty and doing farm work. Let me know if you want to go!

K, bedtime for me.

Weekend Overview

I started this entry with wanting to convey my innermost feelings with regards to my spiritual awakening and gifts. But I realized that He is not ready for me to share that with everyone. In time, in time.

I had a really fun filled Friday. I went outlet shopping, my sport of choice, lol. I scored some really cute items, and I was so excited! Then, Zach and I went to Neat in New Haven, and we gorged ourselves on half price sushi and beer. Ok, so I didn't even drink half of my $2 beer. But sushi was so delicious. Darn it, now I'm craving sushi, lol. It was a tasty treat! Erin and Renee stopped by too, making it even more of an enjoyable evening.

I really truly attempted to do homework on Saturday, but failed miserably. I went grocery shopping at Costco instead. I, like the other ladies, was fighting over the good steak,hehe. Ooh, and I went to Trader Joe's too (which I almost typed as Trader Hoe's when I was IMing Mimi, lol). Trader Joe's surely is no Whole Foods, but it will have to do for the time being.

Sunday was quite amazing. I went to membership class at church, and I met new people! Everyone was so nice! They all like to take me under their wing, hehe. After class, I rushed down to the sanctuary (they let class out on time for once, and I was so excited about getting to the service at 11!). When I got to the sanctuary, guess who was there? Zeus. I don't know how excited he was to see me, but I sat next to him anyways, lol. I went up to the front to sing for awhile (it's almost like being at a concert!), and then I went back to my pew. But there were tons of ppl there when I returned, so I had to sit at the end. But then a nice lady asked me if I wanted to sit by her, and I said ok. She liked my jeans too! (hehe, i hadn't worn the jeans in 4 months, cuz i forgot i had them.) So I talked to her a lot, because she was so friendly! She has a daughter and she's been going to the church for 10 years. But she looks soo young! I suppose I talked to Zeus a bit too. Pastor Brian went off on a tangent in his sermon, but it was a very interesting tangent. We're still talking about Psalm 23. He said something really interesting. He was talking to God, and he said something like, oh no one wants to hear a sermon on Psalms, everyone knows it, and then His response was like, no they don't, and neither do you, hehe. There were no sheep present at this sermon, like there were at the last sermon, but I was still thoroughly entertained.

Of course you guys are wondering what transpired between Z and me. Sigh, it was so bad. The conversations were light and very superficial, and I was so disappointed. You know how there's so many things that you *want* to say, but you know it's not the time or place to say them. And you can't really think of any time or place that would be good to say them. All I could have said, but I didn't even say was that I really liked his ensemble, very metro. Now let's say it again, "I can get my kicks by seeing the movie the New World, or by looking in the mirror." (that is definitely a running joke.)

I haven't been to 7-11 in over a week:(

I found an interesting article by Robert Jensen about white privilege a couple of days ago. I really liked it because it was written by a white professor, and nothing makes me happier than when a white person actually understands that they have white privilege. People always try to make excuses for their own, like it's ok that they haven't attempted to learn about other ethnicities, it's ok that they foster contempt for the ones that they do know about, or it's ok if they said the *n word. I like how this professor is helping his people understand that they do have privileges in this country that no minorities have had the chance to have.

Oh and I have a new favorite song, lol. At first, I liked the beat and all, and then I heard the lyrics to that I'm in love with a stripper song, and I was so laughing like crazy. I always blast my radio when it comes on, cuz it is thoroughly enetertaining.

Like a Virgin

Well, I've been thinking about a lot of things, and I thought I'd share.

My weird story is that this morning, I had to take pictures, etc to model stuff that I'm selling on Ebay. These bidders are so demanding, wanting me to pose a thousand different ways with a freaking jacket on. But anyways, so I was taking pics of the jacket, and then I got the idea that hey, it would be fun to take cute pics of myself, perhaps for facebook. But oh, the pictures I took should probably be at the beginning of some freaky site. They're like pics of myself lying down with PJs on, but I think that they have that "come hither" look.

So classes sucked all week, and I won't even begin to get into that.

I've been evaluating things, and I just feel like I made mistakes that I'm dreadfully regretting right now. I'm trying to rectify these situations, but I think that it takes awhile to get rid of that image. Just don't limit yourselves. And realize that in the end, usually you're the one that knows yourself best and what you need and don't EVER try to conform to another's belief system.

Tonight was funny. This guy was in the bar, and he had on a shirt that had the word "guilty" on it. Gaird says to me "why don't you go over there and ask him why he's so guilty"? And of course I said "I'll go over there and give him a reason to be guilty". And now I'm the librarian by day and freak by night, or something to that effect. Except, let's be truthful. Let's not forget why my name is little geisha.

I'm looking at my goody goody life right now, and I've realized that I haven't seduced anyone recently. I mean REALLY seduced someone. I hope that the art of seduction is like riding a bike, or I'm SOL. Actually, I have back ups, so it's cool. And who needs seduction when there's fun activities like getting taken out to dinner by pretend boyfs? (can ya'll detect just a tinge of sarcasm? just a tinge????)

I've decided that it is okay to have ho mentality as long as you're not presenting yourself as a ho. As long as you don't have a pimp and as long as you're in charge of the game. And I thought about it tonight, and maybe the little lamb has not come back, and she might need to have an extended year of debauchery. I mean, maybe not full fledged debauchery. But at least some blush inducing debauchery.

And I miss the belly dancing. I really miss the belly dancing. i miss being on stage, feeling so free and so alive in my chest exposing costume and skirt. It always makes me feel so sexy, even though I don't look like some ho in my dancing. Cuz I actually have skills, lol.

I actually like to go out and have fun on a regular basis. Don't get it twisted. Have we quickly forgotten the infamous 40s? The wild clubbing where there would be a ton of numbers? Blow Out? Taste of Asia night that warms the cockles of my soul? Lady Marmalade? And then all the belly dancing you'd ever want. And much more.

You know what? I miss old school Madonna. The bitch should've never changed her voice or her look. She sounded so cute back then, and it's such a travesty that 80s Madonna lives on only in Japanese karaoke and Alisha's Ipod.